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VOLCANIC CHANGE

I’ve been feeling a monumental shift for months. Not the sort of subtle change of approaching fall or the beginning of a new writing project. Bigger. I understood, when Sunday my dad passed from this life. It’s tough to lose a parent. Letting him go and finding myself among the remnants of a shared life, pushed me to re-evaluate everything.

 As difficult as grieving is, that wasn’t the explosive force of the Mt. Vesuvius I’d been sensing. It was the catalyst. The eruption that shocked my core and spewed steaming liquid emotion and cleared the dead ash of the past opened my channels to growth.

I am free, open hearted and a bit raw, but in a good way. Cleansed. Unburdened. Able to be me with diamond-bright clarity, I’m trading in my old life for a shiny new version. One where people who ignore, betray, or selfishly cause pain are toast. Done with that.

I’d been walking a tightrope suspended between light and dark. I choose light.

My tolerance for the dark and destructive choices of others has burned away in Vulcan’s furnace. I can no longer involve myself with those who jump into the black abyss of smoldering ruin and call it a good thing. It’s not. Standing in the dark leaves one blind to a better way. At first, they refuse to see the truth, and finally, the stinging smoke takes their vision and they are unable to comprehend their condition. I can’t save them. I must save myself from the consuming flames.

My creative world has been altered, valleys jutted to heights and mountains made low. I write, a new form is being hammered out, iron strengthened to steel. Dross burned away leaving gold. What am I planning to write? Something different. Truer to myself and full of light. I’m off the tightrope and I’ve severed the cord. I stand on a green mountain peak beside a brook. The view is clear. The air is fresh and clean. A soft breeze whispers healing to my soul.  A path colored golden by sun beckons to my future. I’ve placed my foot on the trail, and I’m excited for the journey.


 


09/28/2012 9:02am

Sorry to hear about your father, but it sounds like you have it settled inside your mind how you're going to deal with this traumatic change in your life.
Your writing may well be differently shaped after dealing with this.

09/28/2012 9:05am

It is already. I'm making room for something bigger, different, me.
Thanks for the love and support.

09/28/2012 9:02am

Well said. May the light always surround you. :)

09/28/2012 9:06am

And you too, dear Maeve.

09/28/2012 9:03am

So beautifully communicated, Sandy. Thanks for sharing your transformation with us. I'm so happy that you have found the rosebud among the thorns of circumstance. Enjoy the new view!

09/28/2012 9:08am

It's as if a weight has been lifted and I can finally breathe.
I didn't realize it was there until it had dissolved.
The view is awe inspiring.

Thank you for the support and kind words.
Hugs to you.

09/28/2012 9:12am

Sending you hugs, Sandy. I so know where you are standing and I am so proud of you for not only making the change but sharing it with others. When our daughter died, I took her advice and took the path to living not not grieving forever, not only for myself but for her as well. I feel her around me at all times and know I've done the right thing. We are all here to stand beside you and enjoy your growth.

09/28/2012 9:53am

Thank you for the love, Paisley. Hugs back to you for the loss of your daughter and your bravery is moving forward. We honor those gone by living. I feel my dad too.
His life has blessed me in many ways and continues to as I change.

Blessing to you.

09/28/2012 9:16am

I'm very happy for you, Sandy. Good luck with all future bright endeavors, hon.

09/28/2012 9:53am

Thank you, Calisa!
I'm looking forward to the future joy.

09/28/2012 9:39am

You know I love you and love it when you stand strong. Power to you, girlfriend! And hugs for your loss. I'm always here for you :)

09/28/2012 9:55am

It's the tough stuff that strengthens us, if we're willing to tackle the lesson and learn. Not easy, but so worth it.

Thanks for the love and support.

09/28/2012 9:47am

It's sometimes hard to cut certain things out of your life, and you're not really sure until it is done whether is was a good thing or a bad one, but once you see clearly again, everything seems new. I love that you have come through it intact and ready to move on. I applaude you. Hugs, Joy

09/28/2012 9:58am

That's so true. We'll see how it shakes out. Letting go of what I must isn't easy, but I hope worth it. I feel free. That's new for me. Thank you for your support and love.

09/28/2012 10:11am

Sandy, my heart go out to you. I've been there, both my parents are gone and my memories are dear. Keeping the light before you leads you to a better future. Judy

09/28/2012 10:48am

Thanks Judy. The light does show me more options. I love that.
The memories are good and I know Dad is much happier.
Thank you for the support.

09/28/2012 10:44am

Sandy,
I'm sorry for your loss. I can understand how you look at things differently now and feel a huge change in everything. I'm glad you're able to look at the positive and find a way to make the best out of difficult circumstances. The ability to be true to ourselves is a precious gift.
Rhonda

09/28/2012 10:50am

Life is too short to only half live it and deny who you are.
That's not living. The shift isn't finished. Aftershocks abound.
The lessons continue and they're amazing.
Thanks for your love and support.

09/28/2012 11:08am

Beautifully stated. Emotional freedom. I look forward to the "new and improved" version of you.

09/28/2012 12:36pm

Me too! More vocal. More relaxed and happier.
Still sprouting.

llmuir
09/28/2012 11:13am

Lovely.

09/28/2012 12:37pm

Thanks! Growth is far better than stagnation.

09/28/2012 11:47am

Between your message what showed up in my inbox today, I'd better start paying attention to being true to myself.
My heart and prayers are with you, Sandy. Take care and shine that light for all to see.

09/28/2012 12:39pm

You're getting it too? I know a few people who have been rocked to their core this week. I am shining!

Thanks

09/28/2012 12:09pm

Wow. You've given me a path to walk. I know that losing my dad will be a huge event in my life, as I've always been Daddy's Girl. But this post gives me hope. While my father is 83 and still alive, it's just a matter of time as it is with all of us.

Thank you.

09/28/2012 12:41pm

I'm glad if my process has given you hope for a bright future.
Dad's want the best for us. Embrace it now so he can see you happy.
I needed to do more of it. Of course, he sees it now and that counts.

09/28/2012 4:07pm

Wow! What a post, you zen goddess! I'm sad about your dad but happy for your new-found clarity. You're awesome and I'm aspiring to be just like you:-)

09/28/2012 9:16pm

Are you kidding? I want to be like you. LOL
Love clarity. It's amazing what you can see when you enter the light.
thanks for the sweet comments and support.

09/29/2012 5:08am

Amazing. I'm sorry for your loss, but I think your father would be proud of you for choosing the brighter path. I, too, chose to remove myself from toxic situations and people after a bout with cancer 11 years ago. I can honestly say my life has been freer and happier since then. Good luck to you and keep us posted on the new direction your writing is taking.

09/29/2012 5:59am

Thanks for the support. Cancer, wow. That's tough. No wonder you have gained so much wisdom. I appreciate your kind words and sharing your light with me.

09/29/2012 6:17am

Sandy, here's to the healing of your soul as you begin your new journey. All the very best, dear friend. H.U.G.S.

09/29/2012 6:37am

Thank you Jude. You often don't know you're broken until you begin to heal. The difference is obvious even now. Thank you for your thoughts, love and support.


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